


The Scarlet "T"

by orangeangora



Category: Political RPF - US 21st c., politcal rpf
Genre: Gen, Satire
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-29
Updated: 2016-09-29
Packaged: 2018-08-18 10:29:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8158940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orangeangora/pseuds/orangeangora
Summary: Donald Trump, How Do I Hate Thee? Let Me Count the Ways.





	

As a good liberal mainstream journalist devoted to my profession, I spend considerable time selecting my column topics. After all, there is so much happening in the world, and such a myriad of subjects to choose from. Global warming. International strife. Economic crises. So much that deserves my attention, and so little time to cover them all properly. How can I possibly decide?

It was tough. But this week, after much thought, I decided to go with "Donald Trump, How Do I Hate Thee? Let Me Count the Ways." I admit that I had a moment where I thought maybe my readers might have gotten the message already from my last seventeen columns, but then I realized that they might, possibly might, not have. Somewhere in my readers' mind there might be a smidgen of doubt as to my true feelings for this man and why he is so manifestly unfit to be President. So here I go (again).

The first thing I hate about Donald Trump is that he is a bully. He enjoys calling names and making hurtful personal remarks based on physical appearance and intelligence. Also he seriously thinks he has a shot at winning this election. What a buffoon. As if this delusional would-be demagogue with horrible hair even has a chance in the first place.

A second thing that I hate about Donald Trump is the way he's always stereotyping people, like when he claimed that all Mexican immigrants are rapists. Also he is a fearmonger and enjoys dividing groups into "us" versus "them." By the way, it's such a shame that his supporters are all hopeless bigots and believe anything he tells them, even if it's a total lie. If it wasn't for these dangerous deplorables, Hillary Clinton would win in a heartbeat. Why are they all such scum? Why should they even be allowed to vote?

A third thing I don't like about Donald Trump is his cruel streak. He is always shaming people who don't share his views. It's a good thing I myself don't have any positive views on Trump or his supporters at this point because my family, friends and colleagues would ostracize me and make me eat lunch all alone. I must admit I'm thankful to be surrounded by such tolerant, open minded people.

A fourth thing Donald Trump does that bothers me is that he often expresses views on subjects on which he is poorly informed. He tends not to do adequate research, and it makes him look ignorant. It's a good thing, as a journalist devoted to presenting a "fair and balanced" viewpoint, that somehow every single one of my columns and stories portray him as the next Hitler and a serious threat to the institution of democracy. It's reassuring just knowing that anything negative we print about him is the gospel truth and that we can't possibly be accused of reporting only one side of the story. This way we can be confident that we're presenting fair and in-depth news to our readers.

The final thing I hate is that Donald Trump does a lot of projecting, which is a fancy word for seeing the faults you yourself have in other people, like when he accused Hillary Clinton of being a bigot. Jeez, just look in the mirror already. You constantly accuse others of things that could easily describe yourself. You might want to become more aware of this in the future.

Well, this column has pretty much written itself, which is yet another perk of endlessly obsessing on the same topic for months on end. I don't know what I'm going to do when the 2016 presidential election is over, and I'm left to fall back on other topics about which I don't feel anywhere near as passionately as why I hate Donald Trump. It's a problem, but right now, I can sit back and enjoy myself knowing that I am on the right side and that I have a morally sound reason for devoting this much time to hating someone. I know that any negative view I venture on Donald Trump will be enthusiastically lapped up and accepted without question because there's nothing like not having to think for yourself and being placid enough to never question the status quo. That's why I'm dreading the election ending, but for now, full speed ahead!


End file.
